Audrey Two (Little Shop of Horrors)

 

 

“Feed me Seymour, feed me all night long…”

I couldn’t have made a better sucker if I’d designed him from scratch. Skinny little geek with broken glasses and an inferiority complex? Makes my mouth water just thinkin’ ‘bout it. I knew when I landed up at the plant store I’d get snapped up by someone I could push around, but who’da thunk it- I got me a grade-A lump o’ limp.

Listen, this wasn’t my first time round this particular block; we’ve been doin’ this since your kind were algae. We don’t really have anything against you guys, we don’t really think of you at all… except when we’re in the mood for a midnight snack.

That Seymour, though, I would’ve made him a king if he’d just behaved his damn self. But no, he just had to try and play the hero. Putz. I did him favours- took care of that juicy fat boss of his (a little stringy), and his hotties punchy boyfriend (tasted like ham); I was puttin’ him in the drivers seat! Don’t get me wrong, the convenience of having a minion with the power to build a revolving door of fresh meat my way might have something to do it.

I blame the skinny ‘blonde’… he’da never grown a pair if he didn’t think he’d be getting’ a little nooky. So I got it, one thousand volts and a nasty setback. Damn, what a let down.

But no worries, the party ain’t over. Startin’ from scratch, but that’s okay… a little time and a whole lotta blood, and I’ll be back in no time.