Captain Hammer: “It’s curtains for you, Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.”
Dr. Horrible: “Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.”
Captain Hammer: “It’s tough being a superhero. I mean, being the saviour of an entire city is exhausting! Do you know, I have carpal tunnel syndrome from signing all those autographs; I ‘ve had moments where I could hardly see from the flash of cameras… and my back is near broken from all those grateful damsels (wink, wink). I’m not complaining though, it’s just my cross to bear.
And sometimes the job gets a little rough, I have to teach that little nerd who’s boss- there was this one time, I gave him a swirlie I’m pretty sure he’s still washing out of his hair. And the wedgies! Seriously, though, it’s not a bad thing I enjoy my job. Beating up weaklings is great… when it’s for the greater good, of course.”
Dr. Horrible: “He’s a Neanderthal with super strength- how am I supposed to compete with that? I don’t think I have a single pair of tidy whities that haven’t been yanked over my ears by that cretin. I want to win, I want to excel at my chosen profession. I want to rule the world and impress Bad Horse. And Penny. Penny who smells like sunshine and lilies and has porcelain skin and the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen and… I mean, she’s incredible. And HE goes after her because he KNOWS how I feel about her- taunting me like that, he deserves what he gets. I’ve got a plan, and this time, I’m not pulling any punches. My Freeze/ Death Ray is going to take care of him, once and for all.”
Captain Hammer: “Oh my god, I never knew pain like this! I mean, literally NEVER felt pain! EVER! It hurts! It hurts! What? What about Penny? Didn’t you hear me? I’m actually HURTING! God, some people are SO self centered. Why can’t people think of ME for once. Jeez.”
Dr. Horrible: “I can’t believe she’s gone. My heart is broken, shattered. I suppose in the end that’s a good thing. You can achieve so much more as an evil genius without a heart.”