“Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.”
I am the epitome of a great king. I’m handsome, I’m a great dresser… and I am black belt at looking down on the peasants. Buttercup should have been thrilled I chose her for my queen; although if she knew I planned to kill her on our wedding night, I would have found it a little more acceptable.
So I was only doing the whole ‘benevolent ruler’ thing to get to the ‘starting a war’ thing, and if the Sicillian and his minions had done their job we’d have been crossing swords even now. It may not sound like fun to you, but Tyrone understood; a king has to have a hobby. And fine, I hear you, I’m not the king… yet. But my father is a senile old fool circling the drain; and you-know-who is next in line. At this point, he’s just keeping the throne warm for me.
I admit, things did not go as planned; the whole Dread Pirate Roberts thing, the Buttercup-running-off-with–her-true-love thing, the Tyrone-getting-killed thing… all downers. But I will prevail, and rise triumphant once again. After all, I am the epitome of a great king.